Before you say “I Do”

My bookshelf is loaded with them:

Save your marriage
Rekindle the Romance
Couples on the Fault Line
Couples Guide to Communication
Relationship Rescue
Couple’s Survival Workbook
Too Good to Leave, too bad to Stay

Books, books and more books… all about trying to save your marriage. With nearly 50% of all marriages ending in divorce (66% for those who lived together prior to marriage), the publishing industry is making a KILLING selling these self-help books to couples that are trying anything to avoid becoming one of the statistics. The problem is, typically there is only one member of the couple reading the book and reaching out for help. For many couples, by the time they take the risk to seek help, it is already too late.

It’s kind of crazy when you think about it. People are investing tens of thousands of dollars on their weddings these days. Tens of thousands of dollars invested in something with a 50% chance of not surviving more than a few years! That’s crazy, right? The answer to this problem isn’t to avoid marriage. Research shows us that cohabitation is actually less stable and more damaging to the relationship. The answer to the problem of the high divorce rate is to be better PREPARED for marriage.

The ONLY thing that has proven to increase your chances of having a successful marriage by 30%??? Premarital counseling. I don’t care if you have dated for 10 years or lived together for 3… none of these things increase your chances of success as much as premarital counseling.

Let’s look at it this way: Let’s pretend you need to buy a new car. You decide that your best option is to buy a quality used car. You do your research and come up with a make and model that you like and then you go searching for the best deal. You find a car you like. It looks good, it drives well and so you pay the money and take it home. A few months later it breaks down. You take it in to the mechanic and discover that this car has some MAJOR mechanical issues. Your mechanic says, “Why didn’t you bring it in for me to look at it before you bought it? I could have told you this engine was a mess!” You curse yourself for buying the car so quickly based only on appearance and drive, but now you are stuck paying the bill to get your car back in shape.

Making a decision for marriage is MORE important than a decision for a car, but rarely do we evaluate much beyond appearances and “drivability”. We resist looking into deeper issues that may become significant months or even years into the marriage. We resist against building up our tools and learning to communicate better, manage conflict, and achieve intimacy because we argue that we get along just fine! The truth is, marriages typically break down at 2-5 years due to high conflict or at 10-12 years due to loss of intimacy. If you haven’t learned together how to “fight well” and how to stay connected to one another, you may become one of the statistics.

Before you say “I Do”, please consider making one of the most important investments into your marriage and getting some premarital counseling. I know the idea of counseling may be intimidating, but we promise we will try and make it as fun as we can and that you may feel closer and more confident about your relationship when you complete our course.

Call us today to get started ASAP!

Mention this bog post when you call and get $20 off our premarital package!